When I was a younger man, I did a fair amount of camping and backpacking. In fact, I had a cluster of four friends, and we would make an annual trip to Yosemite, hiking up the amazing trails and rock formations that comprise the equally wondrous National Park.
On one particular expedition, when we are all around 25 or 26, we determined to pack from Yosemite Valley, up the Mist Trail, by Vernal Falls and then Nevada Falls, spending the night in Little Yosemite Valley with the ultimate goal of going up Half Dome as a day trip the following day. That would make for three nights in the upper Valley, which is at 6,100 feet of altitude, about 2,500 feet above the lower Valley, and 2,000 below the top of the Dome.
Being wise guy 25-year olds of course we brought the basics of the day — Lurp, mini stoves, sleeping bags, oatmeal — but we planned some big dinners up there rather than relying on freeze-dried food. That meant steaks, a canned ham (good for sandwiches) of course several six packs of beer, and a bunch of other tasty but impractical back pac items that were lugged up the rugged trail to the staging area and campsite we established.
It was a lovely spring May, and we managed that ascent to the Little Valley without much incident. After spreading out our sleeping bags and exploring a little, dusk began to settle and we made a great dinner and, afterwards, sat around the fire talking and joking, smoking dope and drinking beer, which was pretty good fun.
We were more than aware that there are indeed a lot of bears in the Park, some at lower levels, but in the higher altitudes, a lot more prevalent. No dummies, after dinner we gathered the remaining food, loaded up a couple of bigger stuff bags with the goodies, tossed them over a tree branch and tied them off with some rope at the lower trunk, ideally out of harm’s of most any quadruped.
Now, the Park actually had cables installed between trees in the Valley, with pulleys so accomplish what we were doing in hanging our goodies, but it was dark and we simply did not realize this option was available. As we lay about the fire, schmoozing, anticipating the tough hike of tomorrow, a very large black bear sauntered through the campground, stopping beneath the tree that held our provisions.
Bears are big guys, but they are hardly clumsy, in fact they move pretty quickly as we could easily see. We watched him, in a sort of awe, as he first looks at our hanging food bags, looked at where the rope was tied off at his (or her?) eye level. The bear looked up again, then the tie-off point, and a third time up at the bags before raising a forepaw, taking a swipe at the rope, and successfully sauntering off with all of our food for the next three days.
We all stood, slack-jawed, knowing the trip was toast, and I was the only one who commented, “It’s like he has been working the neighborhood for years. He sent down to the Valley for groceries, and we delivered them.”
Such does it seem to be in trying to beat Bill Belichick and his damned New England Patriots.
A team— say Jacksonville or Pittsburgh — jumps ahead and dominates for 56 minutes and 12 seconds, managing to go into those final three minutes and 48 seconds with a four-point lead. But, for some reason, the team finds it appropriate to turn the ball over to Brady et al who mechanically march down the field, score a businesslike TD, and there goes the game, the upset, and any thought of stopping Belichick, Brady, or the bunch.
So, just as the bear sent out for food and we handed it over on a platter, so too do teams seem deliver victory, in particular during the postseason, to the Patriots.
I am not sure if there is cable/pulley-like antidote to these guys. I wanted the Steelers to win. I wanted the Jags to win. Now I want the Eagles to win in the same manner that as a kid in the 50’s, I wanted any team that was not the Yankees to win.
I will indeed be rooting for Foles, Jeffery, Ertz et al, but the truth is, I suspect my hopes will be as empty as our bellies the morning after our food was absconded.
As for picks? Obviously the bear will win.
Tune into the Tout Wars Hour on the FNTSY network, hosted by me, with Justin Mason and featuring Lord Z every Sunday at 2 PM ET/11 AM PT, and you can follow me @lawrmichaels.
